Ya know what, there should be a class called - TACT - 101 hahahaa. No... seriously, people do not know what to say to people that have an invincible illness or one that is a lifetime. They say rude, uncalled for things that are hurtful. People should not be subjected to this treatment just because they are ignorant about your condition and lack compassion.
What Those with Chronic Pain or Illness DON’T Want to Hear You Say
“Give me a call if there’s anything I can do.”
It’s highly improbable that this well-intentioned comment will result in my picking up the phone. You’ve put the ball in my court and I’m unlikely to hit it back, either because I’m too shy, too embarrassed, too proud, too sick—or a combination of the four. I’m not going to call and say, “Can you come over and do my laundry?” But if you call and offer to come over and do it, I’ll gratefully say, “yes”!
“I wish I could lie in bed and watch TV all day long.”
This is an excerpt from one of dozens of emails I’ve received from people trying to diagnose and/or cure me. I must admit that I have no idea what that sentence means. Are the soul and the True Self different entities, and the one that is okay is sending a message to the other one saying that something’s wrong with it? Bottom line: This is not helpful! Oh, and another person said she’d assist me to get my health back—free of charge—by showing me how to do soul retrieval. Sigh.
This comment left me speechless…but still thinking about “it.”
Bottom line: Fielding these comments with grace and skill is yet another challenge faced by those of us with health problems. I’ve divided the comments into five categories:Change Your Lifestyle; Such an Easy Life…; Chronic Means Chronic; It’s Your Fault; and Religion and other SpiritualMatters.
Change Your Lifestyle
1. “Do you take vitamins?” This comment reminds me of the people who’ve asked me if I’ve tried sleeping pills. Who hasn’t taken vitamins?!
Such an Easy Life…
Chronic Means Chronic
4. “My mother-in-law had that and all she did was take a little Tylenol.”Sigh.
It’s Your Fault
Religion and other Spiritual Matters
Toni Bernhard, J.D.
Until forced to retire due to illness, I was a law professor for 22 years at the University of California — Davis, serving six years as the law school’s dean of students. Author of How to Be Sick has won two 2011 Nautilus Book Awards: A Gold Medal in Self-Help/Psychology and a Silver Medal in Memoir. It was also named one of the best books of 2010 by Spirituality and Practice. My new book, World of Joys, World of Sorrows, will be published in the Fall of 2013.
What Those with Chronic Pain or Illness DON’T Want to Hear You Say | Psychology Today:
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